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Image courtesy of the author
- I was unaware of my neurodivergence until I turned 37.
- This realization came after seeking a diagnosis for my son.
- Despite appearing organized, I often spend hours planning my day and mentally managing to-do lists.
As a special education teacher with over ten years of experience working alongside neurodiverse students, it wasn’t until I reached 37 that I discovered my own neurodivergent traits.
My son exhibited more energy than his siblings from an early age, yet he did not display typical signs associated with ADHD or autism. He developed language skills early and demonstrated strong social abilities. However, his challenges became apparent once he began attending school in person.
When his teacher instructed him to demonstrate math solutions “in three different ways,” he reacted by arguing and fleeing the classroom. When confronted by the principal about wandering the hallways instead of attending class, he responded, “Why? I’m being safe.”
Recognizing Myself in My Son
Faced with his increasing behavioral issues, I began to see reflections of my own childhood struggles. Although I never acted on impulses to leave a classroom when feeling overwhelmed like he did.
I collaborated closely with his psychiatrist as we sought stability for him while supporting his emotional regulation through appropriate interventions. At six years old, he received formal diagnoses for both autism and ADHD.
The psychiatrist then offered to evaluate me as well. Initially hesitant due to being a single mother juggling three children while maintaining a successful career in education and arts—where I perceived myself as calm—I eventually agreed out of curiosity.
This decision transformed my perspective when the evaluation revealed that I too had both ADHD and autism. A recent study indicates that approximately 40% to 70% of individuals diagnosed with autism also have co-occurring ADHD; these conditions often run in families. (2022 Study)
The psychiatrist explained that hyperactivity can manifest internally—especially among women diagnosed later in life like myself—leading me to overcommit frequently or make impulsive decisions which sometimes frustrated friends or partners who felt interrupted during conversations about their ideas. The most enlightening aspects related directly to routines, sensory sensitivities, and masking behaviors I’ve adopted throughout life.
The Challenge of Acceptance
Although outwardly organized and detail-oriented, much effort went into meticulously planning each day while constantly cycling through mental checklists. To manage anxiety effectively required engaging in sensory-seeking activities such as intense workouts or hot yoga sessions; even cleaning rituals were performed methodically according to specific patterns outlined by my doctor during our discussions about daily tasks.
I found it difficult initially accepting this diagnosis because unlike many clients diagnosed with autism who struggle linguistically—I excelled at communication due largely from professional experiences as a scribe/speech-language pathologist/college writing instructor—the doctor reassured me this misconception regarding linguistic capabilities among neurodivergent individuals was unfounded based on her extensive experience diagnosing similar cases regularly!
The doctor probed into how I’d learned social connections over time; reflecting upon those inquiries made clear just how much effort I’d invested observing others’ behaviors closely: mimicking them carefully while memorizing their preferences regarding affection types along adjusting responses based on feedback concerning facial expressions/body language cues given off during interactions!
“You’ve put forth considerable work,” she remarked gently; “Most people don’t need such extensive efforts.”
Finding My Community
A year has passed since embracing this newfound understanding surrounding these diagnoses’ implications within lives like mine—and now I’ve connected deeply within communities filled predominantly by fellow neurodivergents! Medication has aided focus without overwhelming sensations whilst alleviating anxiety levels significantly too! With support from peers around me learning effective listening techniques alongside improved concentration strategies has become possible! No longer do projects pile up endlessly nor amass stressors unnecessarily either—instead better choices emerge regarding time management leading towards greater fulfillment derived from chosen endeavors!
The journey shared between myself & son proved challenging yet rewarding ultimately—we’re navigating unique thought processes together now discovering ways forward supporting one another’s strengths amidst difficulties faced along paths traveled thus far!
Asha Dore (AshaDore.net) is currently penning her memoirs as a speech-language pathologist specializing within this field!
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